I was walking walking my dog on a cool spring morning when I heard someone trying to get my attention. Looking around all I saw was the leaves swaying in the Kansas breeze that carried with it the scent of blooming flowers.
“Psst!” the sound found my my ears again, this time it seemed to wiggle it’s way up from my feet.
Looking down, I thought I saw movement in the sewer. Kneeling, I looked through the grate, straining my eyes to see if someone was …
Movement! There was someone in there!
“Are you a clown?” I asked jokingly, but in as dry and serious a tone as I could.
“A … what!?” the person in the sewer asked.
Keeping a nearly straight face, I half grinned, “Do you have balloons that float?”
“Wha … no, I’m a C.H.U.D.,” the voice in the sewer responded sarcastically. It was a man’s voice although I still couldn’t see him. “Now would you shut up and get down here!”
“Why?” I asked. This time I was serious. Hanging out in the sewer with a C.H.U.D wasn’t on my bucket list or even anything a sane person would do.
“Damnit!” the voice was getting upset. “The bombs are coming!”
I rolled my eyes, “What bombs?” I asked. “This is Kansas, there aren’t any bombs coming.”
Crazy end of the world dude in a sewer trying to save me from a nuclear holocaust… this was day to mark on my calendar.
“I have to catch up on American Horror Story,” I laughed as I turned away from the disembodied voice in the sewer. I wasn’t going to listen to another prediction by Nostradamus about the Mayan calendar again.
“You’ll be sorry!” the voice yelled after me, but I was already gone.
I continued my walk and had only made it to the next intersection when, for some reason, I looked toward Wichita. I’m not really sure why I looked that way, maybe it was Nacho whining or the way the air suddenly became still, but something made me look.
The flash was horrifying. It was like seeing the sun sprout over the city. Then, the mushroom cloud grew over the Air Force base, a towering monument of shattered souls and dead dreams, of pain and fear and death.
The shock wave quickly followed, throwing me to the ground. I felt my skin blister and burn. As I collapsed under the burning radiation, I heard a voice whisper out to me from the sewer.
“Helium is a byproduct of a nuclear reaction,” the man in the sewer said. “Nobody floats down here, but maybe you’ll float up there.”
Author’s Note: Well that sucked. It seemed like a good idea until I got it on paper. Oh well, bombed out on that one. Pun intended.